With Certainty

There are not too many certainties in this world. Today however, I have discovered several of them.

If there is a wet of muddy place any where to be found, the baby will sit in it, especially if you’ve just put him in clean pants.

If you’re thinking to yourself, “how about that, it’s 4 o’clock, and I have managed to get through the day without needing to wash these pants”, the dog will put her muddy paw on you.

If you went outside because it seemed like a peaceful place to write a letter and read your book, two annoying dogs and three energetic children will undoubtedly suck away any visions of quiet you may have been entertaining.

If you think, “everyone is behaving so nicely, this would be a good time to make those brownies I’ve been craving”, the baby will decide it’s time to ear shatteringly picket for his right to be in-arms, and the preschooler will try to soothe him by stewing Cheerios all over the floor Hansel Gretel style in a well meaning but irritating attempt to lure him away from all the leg clinging.

If you tell your preschooler to paint a lovely picture for your grandmother, she will decide that several containers full of sunflower seeds, acorns and leaves would be a better way to cheer said grandmother up.

If you let the baby shake one of these containers, thinking it might temporarily enthrall him, he will manage to pry the lid off with those steely little fingers, naturally,albeit joyfully, flinging seeds, acorns, leaves and random pieces of grass all about the kitchen.

If you were feeling rather smug because you got the house in a lovely tidy condition by 10 a.m. and planned on spending the day joyfully playing, the house will be completely trashed by 4:30 (leaving one to wonder why she didn’t just put her feet up, watch some daytime tv, knit, ignore the grime and the children, and take a nap instead.)