Wanted

Subject is wanted for:

• breaking the unbroken
• unstacking the stacked
• wetting the dry
• hurling the tidy
• emptying the full
• tearing the whole
• unfolding the folded
• spilling the full and then innocently saying “uh-oh!”
• losing the computer mouse
• climbing anything that is standing still and some things that are slow moving (like the dog)
• not eating her vegetables but scouring the kitchen floor for the off chance someone dropped a chocolate chip
• spilling her granola, then further tossing it hither and yon by “wiping it up”
• sound barrier breaking shrieks of both delight and dismay
• “helping” to unload the dishwasher by taking the dirty dishes I am putting in the dishwasher away in the drawer
• climbing on top of an overturned laundry basket in order to reach the remote to the ceiling fan/light, then bringing it to me saying, “No, no, no!”
• having a tantrum when asked to say “Thank you”
• climbing into the bathtub fully clothed to dump and play with all the bath toys–this presents the biggest problem when her accomplice (aka Miss A) turns on the water
• tossing things out of the cart, grabbing items off the shelf, unwrapping Cadbury eggs in the checkout and generally wrecking havoc
• climbing out of her crib repeatedly at bedtime
• climbing into bed with you in the middle of the night, only to climb over you, then over Dada, then over you, then over Dada

Warning: Subject is armed with a disarming smile, charming and infectious giggle, adorable bear hugs complete with grunts, an endearing way of patting your cheeks, a top speed toddle, a fat little belly, the softest hair and sweetest smelling skin known to man.

Do not let subject fool you. Subject can and will destroy everything in her path and is resourceful beyond her years. Subject can and will exhaust you and all your creative thinking. Beware of the overwhelming urge to cover subject with kisses and the irresistible need to squeeze her. Approach with extreme caution and expect to be immediately won over.