Surreality

Aviana is in surgery right now.

Technically, it’s exploratory, because they still don’t know exactly what they are dealing with, although they think it’s a ruptured appendix. Probably it had already perforated before she ever exhibited any signs, and with a child this small it’s difficult to diagnose anyway. Depending on what they find, we’ll be here for another five to seven days.

The surgeons are awesome. When one was in our room having me sign forms, and explaining to me all the detail I wanted to know, he got to the part “If her heart should stop, you want us to resuscitate”, and I broke down “Promise me you won’t let her heart stop!”. He put his arm around me and said he knew exactly what I was going through as he’s a parent who has had to go through the same thing. He said they treat each of these children as if it were their own child. The head surgeon has worked at four other children’s hospitals across the country; when he was in LA, he did 5 or 6 appendectomies a day.

I’m about maxed out emotionally, but doing all right, considering. Kevin is stoic but holding up beautifully. His ability to compartimentalize and focus on one thing at a time is an enviable talent! Brielle is doing OK as well. That’s been one of the hardest things, because we had never spent a night apart until Sunday. I was freaking out this morning because we still thought at that point Aviana had some sort of infectious disease, and my mom left a message early saying that Brielle was running a fever and had a bad cough and was up all night, so they weren’t going to come up. I was petrified–ab.so.lute.ly petrified– that she had the same thing, and would end up here all plugged in and tubed up in a week. I was almost thankful when they decided it was probably the appendix. And Brielle does not have a fever, only a minimal cough, and while she did wake up several times in the night, it was just mostly malcontent, not sickness, and she went right back to sleep on her own. She’s here now, and we’ve nursed and cuddled which makes us both feel better.

Aviana is maxed out emotionally. She is scared and hurting and tired of all the prodding and poking. I could barely keep her calm during her ultrasound. She pulled her NG tube out of her nose a tiny bit in her sleep, the nurse needed to fix it, and it was six in the morning, and it woke her up. She fought and fought and screamed and fought. She said, “I tan’t do dis in the middle of the night!” She cried and cried, “I’m done! I’m done! I’m done wif everyfing! I’m done wif everyfing in my whole wife!!”

Poor sweetheart!

We love knowing you’re out there praying for us, knowing so many people are at the feet of our King on our behalf. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.