Quote from an article in Parenting magazine: The “no” thing backfired when Renny insisted on bringing her doll-baby into preschool. “No!” I said with smug confidence. She started shrieking. I handed her the doll.
Does anyone else see something wrong with this? This isn’t parenting. At least not good parenting. You don’t say “no” to your two year old, and then when they commence a fit, change your mind. What are you teaching your child?
You are teaching your child to scream when they don’t get their way. You are teaching your child they are more important than you, that what they want is more important than what you want. You are teaching your child your authority, really, means little. You are teaching your child if they make it unpleasant enough for you, you’ll give in.
Bad idea.
It may seem like a small thing, but you must NEVER never cave to a screaming response. If you can’t be consistent in the small things, how will your child know you mean it when something is truly a big deal? Now, honestly, that mom probably didn’t really care if her tot brought her doll to school or not, but that isn’t the point. If you say no, you have to keep your no.
I really hate Parenting, Parents, American Baby and the like because in EVERY issue of their magazine there is at least one scenario like this. Wishy washy parenting that only hurts the child in the long run. I stopped reading it when Aviana was a baby, because the values they teach, aren’t really values. They mean well, but there aren’t any absolutes in what they preach.
The only reason I even was reading this magazine was because my nine month old ate the cover off at the library, and I had to buy it. He isn’t trained yet, but I would have told him “No!”
And I would have meant it! 🙂
I totally agree!
Today I had to grocery shop with a screaming 2 year old because I his truck away after he hit me with it.
I said ‘NO’ and meant it.
I wish other parents would do the same because someday my child is going to have to go to school with their child.
I totally agree with you. Having a very strong-willed child meant learning to choose my battles, and only say no when it really mattered, but when it came to drawing the line I had to ensure that he complied.
Not to toot my own horn here or anything, but I’m always being asked how my kids are so well behaved (in public mind you at home is a completely different story). Being the polite person I am I suppose or maybe just not wanting to start a confrontation I smile and say something like just lucky I guess, or you should see them at home. In my mind I’m thinking it’s because they know when I say no I mean no. In public I just have to give the girls a look when they are getting out of hand and they instantly stop. CJ’s not there yet, but he is only 18 months. But when I say no to him I mean no and let me tell you it’s a battle of wills with him right now, but I am not letting him win me over. I’m the mom who lets her kid scream in the grocery store because I wouldn’t let them have a cookie because it’s too close to dinner time.
Oh, AMEN, Preach it sister!
Hmm…not much more I can say accept that you hit the nail on the head, I totally agree with you, glad you were able to put it into such a well worded post,…you get the idea!
Oh, and I just linked a post to your post. Stop by to see!
Great post. Had me cracking up at the end. I get frustrated with the magazines too because a lot of their ‘parenting’ tips are just stupid.
Consistency, I hear, is huge [smile].
And, yes, Dr. Sax totally agrees with you and suggests that one of the reasons kids are so psychologically unsound these days is due to this shift in parenting to mere adviser status instead of authority.
If only more people got this concept! I am just getting to the point of really having to say ‘NO’ and sometimes it is SO tempting to just give in.
When I was newly pregnant with L. my mom and I witnessed a 7-8yo throwing a SERIOUS tantrum in the store. The mom ignored the child for a few minutes, but eventually gave into the child. I asked my mom what she would have done in that situation (b/c I was petrified of having to deal with it myself). Her answer was simple – Discipline while they are still small enough to carry out of the store and you will never have to deal with it at 7-8.
That’s what I try to remember when it feels so much easier to just give in.
“If you can’t be consistent in the small things, how will your child know you mean it when something is truly a big deal?”Amen to that.
Kids need structure and consistency….even when it seems they resist, it is a safety net for them.
Great post!
When discussing discipline with my mother very early on she informed me that her philosophy has always been, “You have to win every time.” Whether that meant saying no, saying you MUST do X, or enforcing bedtime – I gotta win.
And while I needed this reminder that tantrums should never be given in to (coz I’m not perfect and I do occasionally give in against my better judgment), I’m toootally with you!
I totally agree with you that consistency is vital. My husband and I try to be careful when we say No b/c sometimes I’ll say it and then later think, man, it really wasn’t a big deal, but once you say it you gotta stick to it. Truly important. Not saying I get it right all the time, but I do try. Our other big mantra, is you don’t cry to get what you want. If you are screaming and crying then my answer is no. Even if it would have been yes. They get that concept pretty quickly.
Yes!