Mom, Dad, Aunts…Don’t read this…

So Brielle sleeps in her own bed in our room.

She’s been fighting with me about nap lately. Remember how I mentioned if there’s trouble to be found, she’ll find it? With Gusto?

The other day I went in to check on her during nap time. She was found covering herself and her bed with ummm…personal lubricant.

I took it away from her, counted to 10, scolded her, cleaned everything up, put the offending tube on a high shelf, prayed for more patience, and tried to resume some quiet time. I didn’t mention the incident to anyone but Kevin, because …um…you know (the sex factor).

Now if you are a reader here, I’m sure you know I have three children. Which means I’ve had sex.

My parents, who live here, in our house part of the time, know of these children. Which means they know I’ve had sex.

My mom was there for Cadrian’s birth, and helped bring the little guy into the world. Which means she’s even seen me up close and personal and cleaned me up on this side of being out of diapers.

Nevertheless, it (sex and the fact that I have it) still seems like a taboo subject for any kind of discussion with your parents.

Which is why I was embarrassed when Kevin brings me the bottle of personal lubricant, and says, “What is this, community KY?”

Me, all aflutter, “No, why?”

Him, ever the smart aleck, “It’s sitting right on the open shelf in the bathroom. You may as well put a sign on it to say, ‘Community KY Please return after use. But not too soon.'”

But not too embarrassed to share this story with the internet.

And in keeping with this tale from my Real Life , get ready for an It’s Real Life Fest next Thursday.

I’ll tell you what to not prep for on Monday.

31 thoughts on “Mom, Dad, Aunts…Don’t read this…

  1. (snort)



    BWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That is just about the funniest thing I’ve ever read!!!! And I laugh even more because … um, well … we’ve had the same thing happen. Isn’t it funny how shy we get about we sometimes?

    I made a slightly (but not very) off-color comment about ‘being in bed’ blah, blah, blah to a girlfriend one time, and she said, ‘BREA!!!’ I said ‘WHAT? I’ve been pregnant 4 times in less than seven years! Where do you think they come from? You think he taps me knee three times and rubs my elbow, and that’s how babies are made? Hello!!’ 🙂

    Your husband has a great sense of humor. Good for him!! You seem to have a keeper there.

    Have a great weekend, and I can’t believe the baby is already a month old. He’s the sweetest little thing!


  2. Sex is something that was NEVER spoken about in my home growing up. I’m still waiting to hear the “facts” 🙂

    But, that’s VERY different in our home now, especially with 3 married children!

  3. Oh no!! That is way too funny 🙂 My oldest son did that when he was younger, except it was diaper cream, he rubbed it all over himself and the walls, lol.

  4. Hahaha! Ok, so this is only funny to me because my parents visited my hubby and me the weekend after we got back from our honeymoon (read: we hadn’t finished unpacking etc). As they drove away, Josh looked down on our coffee table, and says “umm… do you think they noticed the sex dice (gag gift from the bachelor party) on the coffee table?”

  5. Can I just tell you how horribly funny that is? And I loved how every time you wrote sex you used the small font – seeing as you have three kids and all!

    I remember when we told my dad we were prego with Goosey – you could tell it made him super uncomfortable at first – even though we’d been married for two years, it confirmed that his little girl was having sex.

    Funny story Jessica – glad you shared 😉

  6. Hilarious.
    I can imagine.
    That’s one reason we do not hove anything of the kind, because NOTHING is safe in my house. Love the “community KY” comment. Can’s wait for real life.

  7. Oh my! Yeah, it’s a personal topic, so I don’t talk about it to anyone but my husband. I do have a book on NATURAL family planning that I often recommend, but that’s it. I bet that was fun cleaning up Brielle! I look forward to seeing your “Real Life” challenge!!!

  8. ROTFL!! – gasp – oh that’s a good one. When my Brielle was in Kindergarten her school allowed the children a “communtiy helpers” dress up day in place of Halloween. Brielle went a police officer. You may see where this is going… her Kindergarten teacher reported with much glee at Parent/Teacher night that Brielle had informed the class that now she has a pair of handcuffs just like Mommy’s- the ones mommy keeps in her undies drawer. um yeah. needless to say mommy hasn’t owned anything of the sort since. and she keeps her undies in the tippity top drawer of the high bureau now. 😉

  9. I am so sorry, but I had to laugh. How do you do it, no I didn’t mean ‘it’, how do you handle your life and your parents living with you? Looking forward to ‘Real Life’ again!

  10. That story was hysterical.
    And SO real life!!

    We are going on vacation but maybe if I can find out what Real life is before I go…I can schedule it to post on Thursday!!


  12. LOL! Hilarious!

    Try having your youth group girls come over to the house to help you pack in order to earn money for camp…and find condoms under the bed…and though you quickly hide them, you see “the look” pass between them that they saw and knew what they were. Oy…makes me cringe to this moment.

    So NOT the image you want them to have in their minds when you’re teaching their Sunday School class at church.

    Lol, Lauren W!

  13. Oh my goodness, you are cracking me up!! We have so had stories like this.

    Hooray for Real Life, I wanna play this time. Do we already know a theme?

  14. oh, so true. i’ve had some sex-related stories that are pretty funny, and it seems totally appropriate to share them on my blog, but not in real life! i don’t though, bc all those inlaws found out about the blog, and i hate that that keeps me from writing them!


  15. That was absolutely hilarious!!! Oh my!! I stumbled on your blog from another blog (Jesnicole) and scrolled down a ton.. Cause Im nosey like that. 🙂

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