We had the best speaker at MOPS the other day. She spoke about discipline-what it is, what it should look like, what worked for her. Her only credentials were raising three kids, one of whom was extraordinarily strong willed, and being tuned into the Holy Spirit. Her talk just lit a fire under my bum about how I have kind of slacked off in the area of expecting full time, first time obedience.

When we got home on Tuesday, I sat my girls down for a chat, and told them I was sorry I had been allowing disobedience in their lives. I told them God expects me to discipline them when they disobey and they need to answer me when I say their names, they need to do as I say without whining, arguing, or complaining, and they need to always be kind and respectful to everyone.

Who’s to blame when I get frustrated if I say “Brielle.”….”Brielle!!” …”BREE-ELLE!!” and then she comes?
Me. I’ve trained her to not listen until I raise my voice.

Who’s to blame if I start to lose my cool when my four year old argues with me?
Me. I’ve trained her that she will get a response, she obtains an ongoing dialogue if she talks back to me, instead of just expecting obedience and disciplining her if it doesn’t happen.

Who’s to blame if they drive me crazy by fighting and bickering with each other?
Me. I’ve trained them by allowing them to disrespect one another.

I realized after this talk that I have let the standard slide as of late. I’m going to have to interrupt Cadrian’s nursings. I’m going to have to pull the car over. I’m going to have to get up and get a hold of the offending child. I’m going to have to get–and stay– more consistent.

Discipline sometimes scares me–I grew up in an angry home; where yelling, screaming, belittling, criticism, hitting and striking in anger were the norm. I was very strong willed, and I found I could push and push and get my way. This is the opposite of what I want for the lives of my children.

I don’t want raised voices. I don’t want my kids to feel like failures if they don’t do it “right”. I don’t want hurt feelings. I don’t want my emotions to rule the home, but the standards of God. I want my children to know what treasures they are. I want my children to know how loved they are. I want my children to realize they have value simply because God created them. I want them to feel secure in the boundaries in our home.

And I hope and pray that by returning to the basics of discipline, God will accomplish this through me.

11 thoughts on “Love=Discipline

  1. Oi is all I can say. I hear ya. I have had 6weeks of fulltime kids and I have slacked off cos I simply cant do it all the time. And yet we have to.

    Am with you in spirit girl; lets crack the whip {kidding} in love and do the thang that we are called to do. Love our kids. Teach them the standards we are called to. Huge challenge…some I am still dealing with!!!

  2. I’ll be praying for you! I’ve seen children raised both ways and I love the ones raised the way you’re attempting to. God will give you the strength to do it! 😀

  3. oh, YES! when you put that nursing baby down, they KNOW they’re in for it!!! 🙂 i feel you- i’m always having to reevaluate! one child in particular, MUCH more than the others, seems to feel exempt from the things expected from everyone else! she keeps me on my toes!


  4. so true. it’s so easy to think you want to do things one way and then life happens. but the goal of what kind of life you want for your kiddos is a wonderful reminder!

    you are a wonderful mother and no matter what your kiddos will grow up realizing how loved they are!

  5. Daniel and I read two books that were really great (at least we thought so – it’s all so subjective, you know). They were by Drs. Cloud and Townsend, called Raising Great Kids and Boundaries With Kids.

    Those books were really great in dealing with this love and limits type parenting.

    I think the first BIG hurdle is realizing that you want a different life for your kids. And you are way beyond that….


  6. I could have seriously wrote that post. I’ve been talking a lot to my 5 year old about how she acts and how Laura Ingalls acted. There is a HUGE difference between them of course.

    This speaker willing to travel to our MOPS???!

  7. wow. this post is exactly what I needed, i’ve been yelling way too much, and not getting anywhere. just today I was crying and praying that God would show me how to do this thing called parenting how to keep the children from fighting etc. I turn on the computer, check out farm fresh and taa-daa there it is.{grin}

  8. Don’t worry, you are not the only one going throught this! I have the same problem, and am continually trying to work on it. I thought you were writing about me for a minute! ( except the nursing part.) 🙂

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