You might be a hillbilly mama if…
you drive a four wheeler, barefoot, off into the sunset, while your husband follows in the truck–which is bright red, with a bypassed muffler
the only way you can get the baby to stop crying is by letting her crawl around on the floor eating dropped Cheerios
you have cats on the porch, dogs in the garage, and ducks and chicks in the basement
your side mirror merrily swings alongside your car held only by tape and a prayer
you routinely hang clothes on the line, barefoot, with a baby on your hip
your toddler says, “I have to go potty”, and unabashedly squats in the grass. No matter where you are.
you call going to get the mail “a walk”
your child thinks “shopping” is Goodwill and garage sales
you’ve ever received a note from your husband containing the words “manure” and “love you”
you’re actually related to someone who won a hog calling contest
you’re teaching your toddler to get out the door fast, before any flies can come in
your husband wonders when the toddler will be old enough to teach her how to shoot
you’ve ever had to take the flyswatter away from the baby (hey, at least I took it away, huh?)
you’re still mad that the thieves who broke into your car seven years ago stole your “Best of Country Sings the Best of Disney” CD, but are too cheap to replace it
you hit a deer on your honeymoon
Your toddler thinks “My bologna has a first name…” and the Gilligan’s Island theme are lullabies.
You have to go through the bathroom to go upstairs, and hence are regularly inviting guests to follow you into the bathroom, garnering many odd looks and much hesitatancy.
You tell people to put on their shoes before they go down into your basement.
You don’t even know you’re hillbilly until someone points it out!
These are all totally true from my life, incidentally. That’s about all I can think of for now…do you have any to add?