Our first full day back from ‘vacation’ (of which I’ll divulge pics and details as soon as humanly possible) and at lunch yesterday, Kevin gave me some devestating news, that he himself had only just learned. I’ll not disclose the details, but it’s financial and scary, and almost completly out of our control.
The beauty of it all is that God’s reach is long, and nothing is out of His control.
All afternoon and evening, I could hardly get through a full sentence without tears of worry and fear and stress rolling down my cheeks. I kept trying to give it back to God, and walk with security in His ability to bring peace to my mind, even if the situation never changes. Of course every time I turned around, I worried and fretted and began to reason out the worst case scenarios with my pitiful logic skills. I also tried denial, hand wringing and playing the victim which didn’t seem to work out too well either.
Brielle was napping and Aviana and I went outside to wash her car, pull some weeds, and play in the blustery, but beautiful spring warmth. I watched my blonde three feet of delight gambol across the yard, allowing herself to be tossed about on a sea of crabgrass and dandelions by the wind, ambling leisurely but purposefully to swing on her swing. I put my head down on my knees, as I sat on the step, to once again pray for strength, and the tears once again came torrentially.
I looked up, eyes and face wet, to see my heart’s joy hurrying toward me, arms outstretched.
“I pit’d a fwowa for you Mama!”
She hugged me tightly and bestowed upon me a gorgeous yellow flower she’d chosen especially for me from the multitudes growing all over the yard. “Why’d you have your head down wike dat, Mama?”
“I was just praying.”
“Why were you pwaying, Mama?”
“I was just asking God to help me not worry and be afraid. Something is making me feel very upset.”
“Dist wet it bwoe, Mama!”
That’s right baby, just let it blow.