Brain dead

I am not thinking coherently due to lack of sleep. I would have been more than happy to take a nap earlier and even tried, but extenuating circumstances (ie AVIANA SCREAMING for 45 minutes) disallowed that option. She is finally asleep–after peeing in her bed and coloring all over her sheet with her snake pen, and I am over being mad, and so am enjoying the quiet. I tried to go outside to read, but what with Roscoe (the beagledor) and Claude (green-eyed black cat) both trying to vie for my attention and my FIL yelling at my husband out by the shop, I decided the good old country life would not meet my definition of sought peacefulness–today at any rate. So after a good cry & good pray, I feel better now, thanks–even if I’m still tired.

Yesterday was a bit of a stressful day–It started raining at swim lessons, so A and I decided to leave early. Poor baby- pleading to “wrap up” “Hold You” and finally “go bery” (library) We had a good time at the library and she was very obedient and helpful. Then to the grocery store: all went well until I discovered there were no more checks in the checkbook. So we trotted back out to the car to get my wallet- on the way back in, somehow, Aviana got her hand sucked into the automatic sliding glass door-between the moving door and stationary glass wall. It probably would have been A Lohot worse if I hadn’t been right there and been paying attention. As it was her whole hand is very bruised.

Then we got home and as I stood up, I noticed serious wetness. My first thought was that my water broke, so I called Kevin who wanted me to call the midwife, which I did. After holding a significant amount of time ( I hate hate it when they answer, “so and so, can you hold please?” Because what choice do you really have? )I explained the situation and while waiting for them to call me back, I got Aviana’s hand in ice water and got her some lunch and decided I wanted to talk things over with my mom. That in itself was quite the ordeal, because I realized I didn’t have her work number. So I called my dad’s office, where he was out of the office, but his secretary looked all over for her number, and in the phone book, but I didn’t even remember the name of where she worked. So then I called my grandma, who gave me the number, but it worried me a little because she sounded so groggy and unlike herself. So I called my mom’s office, and talked to someone who put me through to someone else, who had someone else talk to me as well, but the second someone gave me a cell number of someone who might be with my mom. So I called that number and got the wife of the someone who might be with my mom, but since she wasn’t with him, she gave the cell number that the someone who might be with my mom really had. By this point, I just figured I’d drop the whole matter because really, what was she going to do anyway?

So the midwives didn’t call back until 4:15, by which point I had already talked with my labor assistant who reassured me that, while it very well could be amniotic fluid, it was of no great consequence, and I had decided that if it took 3 and a quarter hours for the midwives to return my call, they were none too concerned about it either. They are very conscientious and I trust them implicitly.

I’ve been having cramping in my low back off and on for about a week, accompianed by contractions in the lower part of my uterus. I’m just too aware of everything and even though I’m not “due” for four weeks from today, it just feels like it could be significant. I’m trying not to obsess.

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